2017 is ending; it's a time for reflection. Looking back, I've managed to capture each streaming milestone in a post: how I got started, what I strived to achieve, and almost a year since starting, I’m wrapping up this 2017 streaming journey. So much as happened since I applied for partnership.

A little recap of the beginning of 2017. I started the year in a spiral down into depression. I was overwhelmed with grief from a family loss last year, confusion from the lack of career direction, hopeless and trapped in a tiring relationship, and feeling like I was completely useless in my career. I quit my job because I thought I wasn't providing the value my company was paying for. The beginning of 2017 was bleak. I started by hitting rock bottom.

During this, I lost all motivation and interest in anything, except for one: Beam. I dedicated everything I had to be in this community because it was the only thing that brought me joy during the darkest times. It became my beacon of hope. Through streaming, I’ve made friends and built up a solid community of amazing people who help lift each other up. Seriously, I love my community. By July, my effort was recognized, and I achieved partnership. Now what?

When I first started streaming, I was unemployed and had no idea what to do next (since, in my mind, I was no longer fit for design). I thought becoming a partner could be a small step into the gaming industry. I wanted to become a community or partner manager because I thought that was the best way to combine my passion and skills. As time went on, my conviction to go down that path started to waver. I was doing small design projects that allowed me to explore creatively and found my interest in design rekindling. Coincidentally, I was hired for the same job I left half a year ago and found that it changed for the better. Me quitting allowed my boss to see that she was giving people the wrong responsibilities for the wrong reasons, which resulted in stress, loss of efficiency, and unnecessary pressure. So instead of forcing me into a hybrid role that met her immediate needs, she hired me back to do what I was originally doing and best at, design. As a result, I now love what I do, and feel excited about current and future projects.

As I adjusted to working again, I went to PAX West and spent an amazing six days meeting the people I felt I've already known for so long while feeling the pride of being a partner with Mixer. I also pushed my comfort zone by putting myself out on the expo floor meeting new people, up on the Mixer stage getting interviewed as a partner, and eventually appearing on Mixer’s Tips & Tricks at the studio. I came back to stream with renewed enthusiasm and new friends. Then, I disappeared for a while, as I went to LA to attend my best friend’s wedding and visit my family in China. This time off gave me a chance to do a lot of soul-searching, ask questions about what I really want, and figure out my personal goals.

My life slowly started piecing itself back together. Streaming gave me hope. The community gave me a family. Within it, I found people I could relate to and offer help in return and met people I now consider lifelong friends. Through streaming, I regained confidence, self-esteem, and motivation. If the beginning of the year was teaching me a lesson about letting go of comfort and things I thought were most important to me, the latter half of the year was proof that through relentlessly chasing my passion, I can regain what I’ve lost and gain even more. I discovered through streaming that I could be true to myself, and be accepted for who I am.

It was after learning to accept, love, and be happy with myself that I actually managed to meet the love of my life (yes, it’s cheesy, and I never thought I’d say that) through Mixer (so much for Mixer not being a dating site). We've known of each other for over a year (thanks to Glitchy, who raided him), and although I had admired his streams as a viewer, we didn't start talking to each other until PAX. That's when I found out he's as crazy as he appears on stream, and somehow our crazy aligned. Around him, I found the greatest gift, I found that I could truly be myself. We inspire each other, and find ways to push each other to be better streamers and people overall. I’m excited about our possibilities and potential in the future.

I'm no longer feeling depressed. Depression is an illness, but it's definitely manageable. During my worst times, I sought help through therapy, medication (only long enough to kickstart my motivation again), and support of friends. I also found something to be hopeful about (streaming) and chased it. As a result, I've never felt happier. I'm so hopeful for the new year because no matter how hard times can get, I know it can get better. Now, the question is: how much better can life get? I don't know if streaming will be my passion and focus forever, but it's brought enough into my life that I will forever be grateful for finding it and the community it's introduced me to.

Thank you all for supporting me this far!