2017 is ending; it's a time for reflection. Looking back, I've managed to capture each streaming milestone in a post: how I got started, what I strived to achieve, and almost a year since starting, I’m wrapping up this 2017 streaming journey. So much as happened since I applied for partnership.

A little recap of the beginning of 2017. I started the year in a spiral down into depression. I was overwhelmed with grief from a family loss last year, confusion from the lack of career direction, hopeless and trapped in a tiring relationship, and feeling like I was completely useless in my career. I quit my job because I thought I wasn't providing the value my company was paying for. The beginning of 2017 was bleak. I started by hitting rock bottom.

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To be very honest, applying for partnership was a very impulsive decision. You know, when you get that gut feeling that you really need to do something, or else you feel you'd regret it. It gives you so much anxiety just thinking about doing it that you literally do it to relieve the feeling? That's how I felt when I applied.

I tried to apply with a very IDGAF attitude. I wanted to be like, "Here I am. Here's what I've done. Here's what I'm hoping this would lead to. Take it or leave it." Simple right? If they like my content, if they like personality and attitude, if I've shown promise in the platform, then I have a chance. If not, it's the high road, and questioning whether or not to try again.

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December 2016, I joined the platform called Beam to support a friend of mine. He encouraged me to check out other streamers, and told me that I'd fall in love with the community, and I did.

One month later, I found myself at a crossroad when I left my previous job as a designer, because I no longer felt passion for what I did. I lost confidence in that role, and as a result, lost a part of my identity. At the same time, I had fully immersed myself in Beam, acting as moderator for several channels, and spending almost all of my time on it. Despite being depressed, and uncertain about my situation, being a part of the Beam community helped me feel engaged and lifted.

This community and the friends I made from it, were what encouraged me to give streaming a try. I went into it tentatively, not promising any schedules, and told myself I was going to be extremely casual about it. I treated it as a new learning opportunity and aptly labeled myself as a "newbie" streamer.

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